Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Aaron and Jayjay.

  I met him when I was 15. At the time I had troubles of my own and I wasn't in the best of spirits, but I didn't want to be alone that night so I went to a church dance with a friend. She ran around happily while i followed, immediately regretting coming. Then I saw him.

"Jessica, this is Aaron.". I remember squinting my eyes at him thinking "He's so skinny and timid looking."    
But I was nice and said hi and smiled the best I could. We chatted for a bit, but I could tell by the way he kept looking at my friend that he had a small crush on her. Great. Gonna be the third wheel. So I walked off to do my own thing.

About ten minutes later I ran into him again and he was alone. I hesitated, but went up to him and said "do you want to dance?" We danced and talked. I didn't realize it then, but from that point on my life had changed. It felt like we danced for forever talking endlessly about anything and everything. He told me about his friends and family, his problems with certain things and people, and shared with me some of his most darkest secrets. And I did the same. I don't know why we were so comfortable with each other after barely meeting fifteen minutes earlier, but it was something special. I could feel it. Later that night we texted and I knew at that moment I had found my best friend.

He was always there.

When I wanted to run away, he would always convince me not to, when I was sick and threw up he freaked out and told me what to eat and what to stay away from, and when I told him he was my best friend, he would say it back instantly. Our friendship was something we both needed and were extremely grateful for. He even took me to my junior prom. No matter what, we made a promise to always tell each other everything and when we needed help we would always be there. We had funny little inside jokes that made no sense but we still found them hilarious. We didn't have to do anything special to keep us entertained. If you would just put us in a room we could talk for forever. We both knew what we had was a true friendship.

It's hard and in some ways I'm still in the denial stage about all this. I still have his number saved in my phone hoping one day he'll text me and say "just kidding! I'm fine and I love you" I would give anything just to be able to hug and see him again. It's not goodbye forever. We will see each other again and we'll go right back to the way we were as if nothing happened.

Happy birthday best friend. You have no idea how much I miss you every single day. I hope you're looking down on all of us now being our guardian angel and relaxing in paradise where you belong. I can't wait to see your smile again. I love you.

Friday, December 14, 2012


  Losing someone is never easy. I cannot express the deepening sadness i feel when I think of the victims of loss... namely, all of us. Some people dwell on it for too long and soon it overcomes them, and eventually BEcomes them. What I mean is they become so attached to the sadness that they don't know how to move forward, so they are stuck in the never ending bubble of depression and solitude until they decide to pop it for themselves. 

Know what I mean?

I know I've done this before many of times and it takes a lot to break out of it. I know it's not easy. But no matter what, you're not alone in this. There will always be someone. I will be there if no one else is. Sometimes you just need somebody to talk to and that's a part in why I write these blogs. I don't expect a lot of people to read them but its my way of letting out feelings that shouldn't be kept in. If you have feelings like that please let me know at

You never know how much of an effect it could have on you and other people to just talk to someone. anyone.
My thoughts and prayers go out to everyone who has lost someone. I love you and keep your chin up!
Sorry this blog is short but I will write more soon.


Saturday, December 8, 2012

This is for you.

      Have you ever just wanted to escape reality cause it sucks so much? Or maybe just had a horrible day with horrible people? Maybe it got so bad that you wanted to hurt yourself or other people. Maybe you feel alone. You're not. You're beautiful and I hope coming here will help you learn something or maybe even put a smile on your face. I will be putting up blogs and stories about myself and other people who have experienced hard times to give a little more perspective. If you have your own stories to contribute please email me at I would love to hear from you and what you have to say. First blog but there will be many more to come. I promise. Stay safe and always remember to keep your chin up. <3
I will explain more about who Aaron is and why hes the center of this in later blogs. But this isn't just for him. It's for everyone. This is for you.